Jimmy Carr recently set the jokes aside to open up about his non-existent relationship with his father. The comedian, who revealed last month that he became a first-time dad himself two years ago, said he hadn’t spoken to his own father for 21 years.
“You know the line, ‘My mother’s dead and my father’s dead to me’ – which sounds very cold, until you meet the guy,” he said on Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe’s Parenting Hell podcast.
Earlier this year, Meghan Markle also opened up about the strained relationship with her father Thomas Markle, after Oprah Winfrey asked her about a sense of “betrayal”.
Since the revelations, many others have shared stories of parental estrangement, how it’s impacted their lives and whether they had any regrets about ending contact with their mum and/or dad.
We spoke to some people about their situation and what caused them to leave – and asked a therapist what you need to consider before cutting ties.
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Jimmy Carr revealed her hasn’t spoken to his dad in 21 years.
“If I were to live my life the way I want around them, I know they would hurt me.”
“I was abused for a very long time by my family and always wanted to leave. They are also Muslim and I’m ex-Muslim, and if I were to live my life the way I want around them, I know they would hurt me.
“I feel better now that I have been able to do things I couldn’t before. Don’t get me wrong, it has been hard. I lost my grandma within two months of cutting ties and then my six-year relationship stopped.
“I feel lonely at times and I miss the rituals we had, the festivities and just being surrounded by people I still love. But I know I made the best decision.
“I still talk to my little sister and sometimes my mum, but only when it has to do with my little sister. I have some regrets as my mum is trying to change, but there’s nothing that would make me pretend to not be who I am.
“So, I would not change it. I know for a fact it would make me feel worse to go back home and interact with anyone from my family.”
“Not speaking to my mother is a blessing to me.”
“It’s always incredibly hard for anyone with close parents to understand, but when you didn’t have a great mum to begin with, there’s not much to miss or crave. Not speaking to my mother is a blessing to me. It’s been 10 years since I decided to cut contact between us – some of which was spent healing from the trauma of our relationship.
“It took a lot of hard work, many hours in therapy and personal growth to come to the point I’m at now, which is simply grateful. Not having a parent to rely on, as others may, comes with its positives. I’m a hugely independent person, and I relish in the freedom of trusting my instincts to lead choices, rather than having anyone to answer to.
“It allows me to cultivate closer bonds with people I proactively choose, rather than forcing myself to remain close to someone because of blood. I often think I value myself a lot more because of the choice I made.”
